Recently I was brainstorming with a couple as they were seeking to heal from past and ongoing emotional pain in their relationship. They gave me permission to share you the 14 points we came up with. So here they are in alphabetical order.

Things to Do to Heal Yourself from Pain

• Be accepting. Rather than fighting, arguing, debating, bringing more tension and negativity into the situation, just accept that every situation and experience has a purpose and that some good can come out of it if I respond in the right way. I can remind myself that it’s OK and that it’s going to be OK it’s OK for me and him/her/them to feel and to express our feelings, even to have conflict (as long as it is all done in a compassionate and respectful way).
  
• Be single-minded. When we are double-minded, or have multiple perspectives on a single issue, i.e., just all over the place, it really muddies the water, causes more confusion and frustration. To be single-minded is to be resolved, committed and motivated to achieve and/or to stand firm it brings focus and strength.
  
• Communicate compassion. In our relating with others it is always most beneficial to express ourselves in a loving manner. That excludes blaming, threatening, attacking, put-downs, berating, judging or being disrespectful in any way. It is kind, considerate, gentle, patient, empathetic, believing and hoping for the best, and being respectful in every way.
  
• Forgive self and your partner. Along with that, if there is any spiritual awareness, it is most helpful in the healing process, to accept and absorb your own forgiveness, along with that of your partner and God’s forgiveness. Wherever forgiveness is experienced in this way, there is more peace, which in turn leads to the potential of joy and celebration.
  
• Go for counselling deal with the hurtful issues. This usually means talking about them – when you are ready to do so. “Dealing with” means to let it go, by whatever acceptable means to bring the level of distress attached to the issue down into the comfort zone. When this is experienced, one may still remember the issue but he/she will be OK with it – to the degree that they can fully enjoy every aspect of their life.
  
• Keep spending time with your partner AND have fun! That may mean choosing to live in the moment, having put the painful things in a sort of container for the time being, to be taken out and addressed at another time, like in the counselling session.

Implied with this point are at least two factors: appreciating the closeness of the person you still love (in spite of the pain), and laughing it’s really good – and healing – to laugh as much as possible.

• Listen to soul-soothing music. Music can have such a wonderful healing component to it. Obviously this is going to differ with each individual. More frequently than not it takes some thought and making choices and setting apart time to unwind and relax and enjoy the music and the moment.
  
• Live from your heart. What this may mean for most is very positive. It is being true to oneself, being open and honest, being caring and passionate. It is living large, feeling free to express oneself without fear.
  
• Pray. For some that is connecting with their higher power, for others it is talking with and listening to their Best Friend who just happens to be the Almighty God and Creator as well as their loving heavenly Father. This is a powerful source of healing for millions (maybe billions) of individuals on a daily basis.
  
• Read soul-soothing material. For some, the Bible may be at the top of their list with this point. There are also endless healing books, magazines, and articles available, along with poems and encouraging stories - especially if you are connected to the Internet.
  
• Regular exercise. This hardly needs elaborating upon. The common recommendation is 3 – 4 days per week of ½ – 1 hour, getting the heart rate up. Ideally we are also getting some fresh air in the process and maybe connecting with nature at the same time.
  
• See things, people, situations, self from God’s perspective and respond in a God-honouring way. For sure, this point will speak more to those who identify themselves as Christians or Believers. It always helps in the healing process to get another, especially a higher, perspective.
  
• Self-nurturing. Here there could be a dozen or more subpoints. Best to fill it in for yourself. This may include enjoying some specific physical things like a bubble-bath, foot or body massage, a special food treat, multiple forms of relaxing, being hugged or held by someone special or cuddling with one’s pet.
  
• Surround self with a lot of positive supportive loving individuals who have the same values and faith as you. Again, it’s all about connecting. When we are connecting there is always some aspect of healing taking place.

I’ve made a simple attempt to put a few of these thoughts into rhyme in the following poem. Trust you will create some good positive uplifting impressions from it, and I’m wishing you healing and peace.

SELF-HEALING

When things get rough and hurt like the dickens,
It helps to reflect on something else than slim pickin’s.
We gotta get things right and bring down that distress
One way that usually works well is simply to confess.

Confess means to admit to something that I did which was wrong,
Bells went off over and over ding dong, ding dong…
With confession comes forgiveness, that much we hope
And then we have peace that eliminates the mope.

One simple tip for healing from disappointments and pain
May be to connect with a counsellor to help relieve the strain.
That’s not weak or incompetent as some might say
It’s wise and strong and usually helps to save the day.

So remember, for self, friends coworkers and others,
Even family members, including sisters and brothers:
You needn’t fret about stress and strife,
Dr. Sam is here to help you have a great life!

If you would like more information, OR if you have a counselling question you would like to have answered in these weekly articles, please do not hesitate to contact Sam Reimer.

You can enrich your relationships and experience a more fulfilling life!
By Sam T. Reimer, Ph.D., RCC, of Restoration Counselling Services - helping individuals, couples and families to find, restore and/or maintain a sense of wholeness, balance, and healthiness in their emotional life and relationships
200 – 595 K.L.O., Kelowna
Ph.: (250) 868-2338

Link: Restoration Counselling